The fasting in brief

I kept feeling like they were the bulk but they are just the beginning.

Admiring those Acetic guides who live on life force breath alone, I saw no reason to stop my day to day activities. On Sunday, I ventured to a Nia Dance class at A2 Yoga. It was full of energetic, transfixing music and a lot of expressive swaying and kicking. I enjoyed it but about half way in, that nusiance of a headache came back and I realized maybe I wasn't quite at monkdom. I went to go watch copious amounts of Buffy The Vampire Slayer with my friend Louis afterwards but the downtime didn't allow the headache to subside. It did make me to worn out to think about even wanting food, though. By four, I was in bed for a nap.

At 5:40, I awoke to a different landscape than I’d left. It was dreary and the rhythmic beat of rain transported me to a different place. For a moment, I thought it was Monday.

Saisha came across my chest to nuzzle her head into my neck. I wondered if she was living out her namesake, protecting me from the unforeseen direction that this experiment will take me in.

I keep thinking about what Mari said about her friends that tried to live on a raw and then vegan diet and one by one essentially became brain mush. I’m thinking about her statement of eating everything cause she wants to be able to have a body that tolerates it all. By doing this cleanse, will I become less tolerant of things I still want to enjoy?

I have been impressed with how I just cut out caffeine like that.

And I have been getting more sleep and drinking more water.

I keep shifting between these dramatic outlooks and then realizing “hey, if it doesn’t “work”, it doesn’t work. I can try again with something else some other time. The break of sugar is really what I need anyway. And I’m not that badly off the tracks from the holidays as long as I start getting into an exercise routine.”

That’s another thing I did today. Decide I am joining the fitness center tomorrow. It feels kind of unlike me… I always thought it was ridiculous to pay that much for some “organized” way to move your body when you can move your body wherever you go. But every time I’ve gone there or even when I used the bike at Katie’s house…I feel really good afterwards. 

The second day wasn't even a sweat!

....ha. 

I woke up with sore, achy muscles. I have been tossing and turning quite a bit – I think from anxiety around this – and I found myself curled into various shapes and sizes throughout the night. Not to mention I tried the Epsom/water combo on a whim yesterday and a) it tasted horrid  and b) I am pretty sure it was the cause of some sea-sickly nausea feelings in the middle of the night.

So all of that was before I was even coherent.

Now that I’m not sick anymore and I’ve stored up all these extra sleep points, I’m no longer sleeping in as easily. I was ready to be awake by 7 but forced myself to stay in bed for another hour

I was in and out of bed a couple of times and each time I felt a little dizzy and every step felt tiring. By the time I officially arose, I had the chills and thought the quakes would be coming soon after. Mother found me to say goodbye before her work day started right around then and she asked how my fast was going. I opened up and told her that I wasn’t sure I should continue for the day. My stubborn disposition usually coerces me into holding back on admissions of that sort, feeling like it is weak or just wanting to be able to sort it out myself first. But I was really glad I opened up to her because I was butting heads against myself trying to find information to back up my gut feelings and I couldn’t just listen to my gut. As I explained my qualms a little further, I started to get a bit teary. I told her I just wanted to see fast changes….and I didn’t know what they were supposed to look like…I didn’t want to just be giving up. She reminded me that there are plenty of ways of fasting and cleansing and we agreed on the point of at least adding in broth for my final day.

I went out shopping for things to get me through my first few veggie days and made my friendship bread (Its like having a pet) And then I went and got a membership at WCC! I was there for about 2 hours and my feelings of frailty had worn off. Afterwards, I visited Anna, Maggie and Adam to give them their bread starters (that makes more and more pets!). So the day did end up going by more easily than I thought. I think I am learning to get comfortable with the patience that this takes to start to feel its worthwhile but also the balance of knowing what is good for my body. The broth really helped me get through the rest of the day. I also began to combat the notion that I have to feel weak of mind when I’m fasting. I actually felt a bit more “in the moment” speaking with friends than I thought I would. I need to start believing in my mind as a powerful mechanism.